“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics” - Benjamin Disraeli
Make that four: lies, damned lies, statistics and whopping great fibs you tell your children.As a child, I (like most children in the world) trusted my parents implicitly.
When I was about 3 and learning my alphabet, I remember a conversation with my parents over lunch, pretty much along these lines…
Parent: Guess what? Mummy and Daddy have been really clever.
Me: Really?
Parent: Yes. We have invented a whole new letter
Me: Really?!
Parent: Yes. It’s called “kicking kuh” and it looks likes this… (writes a K)
Me: WOW!
Fast forward a couple of days or weeks (I can’t remember exactly, it was thirty years ago). I was watching Sesame Street. Guess which letter Sesame Street was brought to my by? Yup, Kicking Kuh.
WOWSERS! My parents are soooo clever that Sesame Street has found their new letter, and now EVERYBODY is using it. So. Cool.
A few years later – when I was about 8 – my sister and I were just discovering rude words. My mum told us that she knew the rudest word in the whole wide world. My sister and I managed to persuade her to tell us what it was, on the understanding we would never use it because it was SO rude. Ok, mum we promise.
My mum then whispered the world’s rudest word: Big Toe.
Shhh, don’t say it too loud.
My sister and I weren’t convinced, but being as mums never lie and are always trustworthy, we did actually believe her. So much so that a few weeks later my sister fell out with her best friend over it. Like, properly fell out over it – they didn’t speak for days.
Now I am a mum myself, and I am coming to realise that it is only a matter of time until I, too, start making up ridiculous stories to tell my children. It started the other day when I told my toddler that the moon is made from cheese. I know that isn’t especially original, but hey.
A girl’s got to start somewhere.
What whopping lies have you told your kids? What porky pies did your parents tell you?
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14 Comments
Posted on February 17, 2010 at 5:10 pm by Holly
I love this. How wonderfully inventive of your mum. I'm not sure I'd get anything past my daughter!
Posted on February 17, 2010 at 7:45 pm by tiddlyompompom
we were very gullible which helped
Posted on February 18, 2010 at 12:00 am by Claire
My parents told me and my brother that we didn't like the black fruit pastilles. It turns out it was a ruse so that we would hand them over for them to eat. To this day I don't eat purple sweets.
They also told us that kiwi fruit was elephant's poo Can't eat that either.
Posted on February 18, 2010 at 10:35 am by tiddlyompompom
hahahah! That is brilliant! My dad did something similar with orange smarties. *allegedly* they were the only ones he could eat.
Posted on February 19, 2010 at 6:12 pm by Elizabeth Miles
I am so so sorry. So very sorry indeed xxxxx
Posted on February 19, 2010 at 6:18 pm by Elizabeth Miles
*She said, being totally honest*
Posted on February 19, 2010 at 7:38 pm by tiddlyompompom
no you're not
Posted on February 19, 2010 at 10:36 pm by Elizabeth Miles
Posted on February 20, 2010 at 12:29 am by debdobson
I love this post. I truly do. It is so completely real of life.
Posted on February 23, 2010 at 12:47 pm by Julie Haslett
My Dad always told me that if the ice cream van was playing a tune it meant they had run out of ice cream!
Such cruelty!
Posted on February 23, 2010 at 8:14 pm by tiddlyompompom
my friend's parents told her the same thing. I think I may keep that one for future use!
Posted on March 1, 2010 at 4:21 am by O. Stout
My Grand-Father developed an affinity for Persian dates when he served in Libya and Iran MANY years ago. The kids and eventual grand kids would be told that they were roaches with the legs pulled off. I remember once sneaking one of these "insects" and when I was caught he reinforced the story by telling me they were so sweet because roaches eat so much sugar. Regretfully, I think I started eating more bugs after that until he came clean of his deception. The grand kids that came after me were kept away from the sodas with his stories of "bug juice."
Posted on March 4, 2010 at 12:30 pm by kiss me quick » tiddlyompompom
[...] this post of mine was included by Alpha Mummy in the British Mummy Bloggers carnival. I am very honoured to [...]
Posted on March 6, 2010 at 7:43 am by porky pies « tiddlyompompom
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