tiddlyompompom's oh so helpful guide to newborn babies

June 17, 2010 - 12:01 am by tiddlyompompom

Little M is now five weeks old. Wow, where did that time go?

Anyhoo, over the last five weeks, several important facts about newborns have come wooshing back into my sleep deprived mind. Because I am an incredibly public spirited and generous person, I thought I would share these with you.

You are welcome.

  • Your baby may be teeny tiny, but (s)he is UNBELIEVABLY strong. Don’t believe me? Wait until you try to get a cross baby into a baby grow.
  • Filling a nappy requires an enormous amount of effort for very little gain.
  • The sounds that accompany the said filling of nappy are unbelievable.
  • Baby poo can travel a long, long way
  • You can (and indeed will) survive on three hours sleep
  • There is nothing more satisfying than getting your baby to burp after a feed
  • Sometimes, your teeny tiny baby can burp like a 16 stone rugby player
  • People tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. What they fail to realise is you are rarely tired at the same time as your baby and vice versa.
  • The second you sit down for dinner/shut your eyes/get in the shower, the baby will wake up screaming and require immediate attention.
  • It will take you an hour just to leave the house.
  • When you do finally get out of the door, you will most probably have at least seventeen bags, with enough paraphernalia to keep an army of small babies going for a week. Just. In. Case.
  • Having a newborn baby in a pram means that everyone you meet will want to chat. You should allow extra time for this when out and about.
  • The Baby Brain you developed during pregnancy does not get any better once the baby arrives.
  • Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER say “I think (s)he’s gone to sleep now” or anything else along those lines. If you have to, think it quietly INSIDE your head. Do not, I repeat DO NOT say it out loud as this guarantees another hour of screaming from your baby, and possibly you. Make sure grandparents/aunts/uncles/everybody else understands this rule. Make them sign something if necessary.
  • They really do grow so unbelievably quickly, so make the most of it/hang in there (delete as appropriate)
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

20 Comments

  1. Posted on June 17, 2010 at 7:48 am by Sandy Calico

    So so true!

  2. Posted on June 17, 2010 at 8:03 am by upTheStick

    hahahahaha excellent :) I wish I'd known this stuff 10 weeks ago … specially about the poo travel. Our ex-beige carpet is a little shell shocked. Also, I had no idea the actual poo would be so yellow, nor that I'd happily chat about it to people ….I seem to quite like the people-stopping-to-chat thing, even if they *always* assume blue or cars babygro = boy ….

  3. Posted on June 17, 2010 at 4:23 pm by Tweets that mention tiddlyompompom’s oh so helpful guide to newborn babies » tiddlyompompom -- Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by tiddlyompompom, tiddlyompompom. tiddlyompompom said: or even http://wp.me/pXAZ7-Q5 #nothadcoffeeyet [...]

  4. Posted on June 18, 2010 at 9:06 am by Lou

    Very accurate but also very funny. Particularly agree with the … 'make the family sign some sort of document…' statement. Could add that sometimes people that arrive to you house for a visit and to 'help,' aren't very 'helpful.' Mummys with new babies should leave a notice on the front door saying 'Enter at own risk. The following jobs need doing: Ironing, cleaning, several dinners for the freezer, etc…….'

  5. Posted on June 18, 2010 at 9:50 am by Lucy

    Fabulous and so true – particularly the last point! x

  6. Posted on June 18, 2010 at 10:23 am by Spee Getti

    Yes, yes, yes, so true! Especially the penultimate one – which I'm still giggling at!

  7. Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm by tiddlyompompom

    It is amazing how simply saying these things causes the exact opposite to be true. maybe we should just start saying "(s)he's going to be up all night" so we get a goo night's sleep…

  8. Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:02 pm by tiddlyompompom

    it is really amazing how quickly they grow and change. 2nd time around I am making the most of it :)

  9. Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:03 pm by tiddlyompompom

    oooh, that is SUCH a good idea :)

  10. Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:05 pm by tiddlyompompom

    the only carpet incident we've had so far was at my boyfriend's mum's house. tsk. good job grandchildren can do no wrong…

  11. Posted on June 20, 2010 at 9:06 pm by tiddlyompompom

    I bet there are plenty more I forgot too :)

  12. Posted on July 5, 2010 at 12:13 am by tiddlyompompom’s oh so helpful guide to toddlers » tiddlyompompom

    [...] on from my helpful guide to newborn babies, I thought I would share my wisdom on [...]

  13. Posted on October 21, 2010 at 12:18 am by tiddlyompompom’s oh so helpful guide to potty training » tiddlyompompom

    [...] though, so we should really get on and do it. Following on from my highly informative guides to new borns and toddlers, I felt it was time to share my wisdom on (daytime) potty [...]

  14. Posted on February 11, 2011 at 12:48 am by tiddlyompompom’s oh so helpful guide to weaning » tiddlyompompom

    [...] M is not fully weaned yet, but we are well on the way. Following my oh so helpful guides to newborns, toddlers and potty training, I had started to think I should share my wisdom on the whole weaning [...]

  15. Posted on May 8, 2011 at 10:39 pm by Kelloggsville

    Over from blog gems, thank you for bring back all those memories, you had me nodding and smiling like a dog in the back window of a car :)

  16. Posted on May 9, 2011 at 7:44 am by One Rich Mother

    Love it so funny. : )
    Found you through blog gems.

  17. Posted on May 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm by Blue Sky

    Memories for me too, funny after the first I didn't really notice all this, but I remember it sooo clearly on Angel…and she's now 18! Thanks so much for taking part on Blog Gems x
    My recent post Blog Gems – Air Your Archives 15

  18. Posted on May 9, 2011 at 8:03 pm by tiddlyompompom

    I can't believe that I wrote this nearly a year ago. She's 1 on Friday so am forgetting all the new born stuff already :)

  19. Posted on May 9, 2011 at 8:03 pm by tiddlyompompom

    thanks :)

  20. Posted on May 9, 2011 at 8:04 pm by tiddlyompompom

    thanks for stopping by :)

LEAVE A COMMENT

CommentLuv badge