tiddlyompompom's oh so helpful guide to toddlers

Following on from my helpful guide to newborn babies, I thought I would share my wisdom on toddlers.

  • Trying to get your child to say or do anything on demand will result in you looking like a fool when they just stand there looking all bashful and with an “I don’t know what you’re talking about Mummy” air about them.
  • Say anything remotely rude, however, and they will repeat it immediately and very loudly for several minutes. And at random intervals thereafter.
  • The word “No” suddenly becomes very dangerous.
  • Chocolate buttons are the answer to everything.
  • Stickers are also the answer to everything.
  • Letting your two year old choose her own outfit can result in some interesting “looks”. Trying to explain why a bright pink t-shirt does not go with red tights and a green dress is incredibly difficult. You may need to resort to the aforementioned buttons or stickers…
  • By the time they reach toddler-hood, children have learned how to throw. Do not, therefore, paint your dining room white or cream. Or if you have already, do not give your child pasta with sauce on. Or beans. Or anything other than dry toast. Unless you want to redecorate every five minutes of course.
  • You will become instantly brilliant at spelling. Current favourites in our house include P-A-R-K, N-A-P and B-R-E-A-D-S-T-I-C-K-S.
  • Your help will not be required AT ALL.
  • Except it will be after a minute or two. If you attempt to help before this time you will be the World’s Worst Person.
  • Having a toddler in your life is both frustrating and highly entertaining.
  • Life is beyond exciting. Sometimes it takes a two year old to remind the grown ups of this fact.
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