tiddlyompompom's oh so helpful guide to toddlers

Following on from my helpful guide to newborn babies, I thought I would share my wisdom on toddlers.

  • Trying to get your child to say or do anything on demand will result in you looking like a fool when they just stand there looking all bashful and with an “I don’t know what you’re talking about Mummy” air about them.
  • Say anything remotely rude, however, and they will repeat it immediately and very loudly for several minutes. And at random intervals thereafter.
  • The word “No” suddenly becomes very dangerous.
  • Chocolate buttons are the answer to everything.
  • Stickers are also the answer to everything.
  • Letting your two year old choose her own outfit can result in some interesting “looks”. Trying to explain why a bright pink t-shirt does not go with red tights and a green dress is incredibly difficult. You may need to resort to the aforementioned buttons or stickers…
  • By the time they reach toddler-hood, children have learned how to throw. Do not, therefore, paint your dining room white or cream. Or if you have already, do not give your child pasta with sauce on. Or beans. Or anything other than dry toast. Unless you want to redecorate every five minutes of course.
  • You will become instantly brilliant at spelling. Current favourites in our house include P-A-R-K, N-A-P and B-R-E-A-D-S-T-I-C-K-S.
  • Your help will not be required AT ALL.
  • Except it will be after a minute or two. If you attempt to help before this time you will be the World’s Worst Person.
  • Having a toddler in your life is both frustrating and highly entertaining.
  • Life is beyond exciting. Sometimes it takes a two year old to remind the grown ups of this fact.
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16 comments

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  2. The Moiderer · July 5, 2010

    I definitely agree with the last point. We have to sub choccy buttons and sticker with iPad and videos in this house. The little one would spend all day watching herself on video if she could!

    • tiddlyompompom · July 5, 2010

      they get fascinated by themselves don't they? big m will sing to herself in the mirror for ages :)

  3. Rowan Hoban · July 5, 2010

    I have long since given up on influencing the little O's fashion decisions. A pink ballerina tutu and wellies to pre-school? Go right ahead I say.

    • tiddlyompompom · July 5, 2010

      ha ha! I have yet to encounter that one, but I quite like the idea of a bumble bee with pirate accessories (the current contents of dressing up box…)

  4. Musings of a Mother · July 5, 2010

    Great post. I can identify with more than a few of them. I must try the stickers though. Thanks for the tip x

    • tiddlyompompom · July 5, 2010

      seriously, stickers are AWESOME! there is nothing big m won't do for one :)

  5. 1950shousewife · July 5, 2010

    As someone who is using the chocolate button technique for potty training, I would say that they are the key to any toddler survival!Love this post.

  6. missleslieanne · July 5, 2010

    Love this :)The Dylanosaur is now 14 months (I know, where'd that go?) so am already seeing signs of all of the above!

    • tiddlyompompom · July 5, 2010

      it's scary how quickly they grow isn't it? good luck with toddler-hood :)

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  10. mummy@bodfortea · July 5, 2010

    BRILLIANT! You are clearly the toddler master. Am stocking up on copious amounts of stickers right now.

    • tiddlyompompom · July 5, 2010

      Stickers are the key for EVERYTHING!
      *whispers* sometimes I get given one for being a good mummy. only sometimes mind…