I’m not one for making new year’s resolutions, but occasionally I give myself a specific goal for the year. Not every year, just when life changes are afoot. For example, 2005 was the Year Of The Furry Pet, which involved us buying our own home, and therefore being able to have a furry pet. 2006 was my Year Of A Proper Job when I qualified as a teacher and got a permanent job at school. That kind of thing.
This year I am sticking with my no resolution rule, but I do think 2011 is a year that needs a goal.
Apart from a six month gap in 2009, I have been pregnant or breastfeeding since May 2007. I have I have ballooned and shrunk not quite back to my original size twice, and taken two years out of a job I love. During that time I have worn clothes that have grown with me or allowed easy access for a screaming, hungry baby. Whatever I have been wearing has, more often than not, been covered in snot or dribble or baby food. Or sometimes all three at once.
Don’t get me wrong, I have loved almost every minute of it, and have willingly done all the above. With Big M I always knew we would be having another baby, and so everything about the time between weaning her and deciding to try for another baby was temporary. But this time there are no guarantees. Right now, I think we’ve decided that Little M is our last baby. Never say never, though eh? When I think of never being pregnant again, or not feeding my baby any more I feel enormously sad.
However, if I am being honest, I feel excited about how liberating it will be when I can walk into a shop and buy clothes that I like without considering how I can get my norks out in an instant if necessary. How nice it will be to pick an outfit because it is something I want to wear, not just because it’s something I can wear. Obviously my new pretty clothes will still be covered in snot/dribble/baby food, but you’ve got to take it one step at a time.
While the thought of going back to school makes me feel slightly ill, deep, deep down I can’t wait to get my teeth into my job. I have so many ideas about lessons I want to teach, resources I want to create. Maybe, just maybe, I can start to think about climbing the career ladder in the next few years.
And, get this, I am actually wanting to do exercise to finally get rid of my baby belly. Don’t worry, it’ll soon pass.