Yesterday I posted this photo as my Silent Sunday.
I have taken part in Silent Sunday for ages now, but I think that this week my photo has the most meaning behind it. To me, anyway.
I had several comments on yesterday’s post, mostly asking where the steps lead. I usually try to reply to everyone who takes the time to comment on my blog. But yesterday? I couldn’t. I found I couldn’t really convey what I needed to say, and how important this photo is to me in just a couple of lines. For those of you that did comment, I hope that the following explains why I couldn’t reply to you individually.
You see, those steps are the steps that lead down to my Granny’s front door. I have walked up and down those steps hundreds, if not thousands of times in my thirty something years.
Last week I took this photo as I was sat on her front door step waiting to be let in. Not by my Granny, but by my mum. My Granny hasn’t lived there since April. For health reasons she has had to move into a care home. Her four bedroom house, where she has lived for forty years, is full to bursting with 82 years worth of memories. I spent three days with my mum, sorting, clearing, recycling things that we found. Next weekend the entire family is going down to help finish it off. There is still a lot to do.
I love those steps. So many memories.
I am sad that we are having to do what we are doing. I always knew we would have to sort her house one day, but even just a year ago my Granny was planning to go to New Zealand in the spring. Then things happened, and she has gone from the feisty, intrepid strong woman that she has always been to an old lady. I know she’s eighty two, but she’s never been old before.
It’s sad. It’s sad for my Granny, who has lost her independence and va va voom. It’s sad and incredibly stressful for my mum and aunty who are having to deal with the daily issues and the responsibility of making decisions for their mum. It’s sad for me to witness my Granny in decline. She comes alive when she sees her great grand-children (of which she has 4, number 5 due in November). It makes me sad that we don’t (and can’t) see her on a regular basis. Sometimes living away from your family sucks. Mostly it’s fine, but at times like this 80 miles feels like 8,000.
I ummed and ahhed about writing this post. It’s not the kind of thing that I would normally write, but I’m finding it hard to write anything else if I’m honest. My mind is kind of elsewhere.
Sorry about that.
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10 Comments
Posted on August 22, 2011 at 9:57 pm by Kirsty
I'm struggling to find the right words here… It's a beautifully written and moving post. I'm sorry to hear that your Granny isn't well. My Grandma (and Granddad) are both 80 and still very active, and I feel very lucky for that, especially as, like your Granny, they take such pleasure in spending time with my children. But I know that one day things will change… This is one of the hard parts of growing up.
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Posted on August 22, 2011 at 10:03 pm by tiddlyompompom
Thank you. It's really hard, but I know I am very lucky to still have her. Just wish I could do more, you know?
Posted on August 22, 2011 at 10:24 pm by TheBoyandMe
Your blog is for you to post what you want or need to. You needed to write this.
Last year my parents moved out of my childhood home. It was the only house that I had lived in until I got married at 24, and I always wanted to buy it from them and live in it when I was older and could afford to. It absolutely broke my heart when they moved, I cried my eyes out for weeks leading up to it and on the day I sobbed and sobbed hysterically. I was the last person out the house after wandering from room to room (every bedroom had been mine at some point, pomotion as older siblings moved out) and drawing upon all my memories to embed it in my brain and senses. I stood in the last bedroom I had and wept. Then I walked out and shut the front door behind me. It was horrendous. Now however, I recall it with fond memories and still think it's accessible. The house that the current inhabitants live in is not my childhood home. Buildings have memories etched in them and it's ok to grieve for the nostalgia.
I've ranted. Sorry! I'm so sorry that your poor granny has to suffer like this, it's shocking when we realise people's vulnerabilities.
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Posted on August 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm by tiddlyompompom
Thank you.
My mum still lives in my childhood home, so I haven't had that goodbye/grief yet. I guess this is the first part of my childhood that I have to say goodbye to. And you're right, it's only a building when the people you care about don't live there anymore.
Posted on August 22, 2011 at 10:54 pm by Alice
This might not be the kind of thing that you normally write, and I love what you normally post… but this is a lovely post to. I have a happy blog – I try to remind myself of all the happy things in it. But sometimes there are bits of life that bubble to the surface, and they're not so happy, but still deserve a post. Last time that happened for me I was reminded of a quote I really like – "The most important thing in living your life is integrity. It is both necessary and sufficient". I like blogs that do honesty. Yours has that in spades – thank you for writing.
Posted on August 23, 2011 at 8:12 am by tiddlyompompom
Thank you so much for such a kind comment. Thank you for taking the time to write it – I can't tell you how much I appreciate it
x
Posted on August 25, 2011 at 9:45 pm by Alexander Residence
Hey, I didn't get chance to reply to all my comments on Sunday so I though I would check people's post out on other days. Glad I found this.
I agree with Alice, I tried to avoid writing about big stuff, mainly losing my mum, but it always seeped through and now I have found a way to make it integral to my blog, like it is integral to me. Plus the Gallery and Silent Sunday helped me hugely.
Thanks for sharing the back story. Good luck to you, your Granny and your family with this big adjustment x
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Posted on August 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm by welshwalesmam
I had a real 'pang' when I read that. The picture means 'more' to me now! I have memories of steps like that, too-but my steps are a wall. xx
Posted on August 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm by tiddlyompompom
It's funny how everyday objects can mean so much. Glad I took this photo though x
Posted on August 26, 2011 at 5:40 pm by tiddlyompompom
Thank you so much. I usually try to keep this blog a happy place to be, but I actually found that writing this post helped me sort my thoughts and feelings a bit better. Was cathartic I think
x