The rest of the year passed in what I can only describe as a blur. There were so many things to Get Through: the funeral, the first month, the first grandchild’s birthday, the first family gathering, the first six months, the first Christmas. All without mum.
We spent New Year staying with my stepdad. The whole family was together: my siblings, nieces and nephew, my step dad, my dad, my aunty and uncle. It was what we needed. To all be together in my mum’s house, to see out the god awful year that was 2013 and ring in the new.
There were tears, there was laughter. There was a lot of hugging, and a lot of wine. It was just what we all needed.
Mum wasn’t there, but she was.
And so 2014 begins. I don’t normally make a big thing of new year, particularly making new starts or resolutions. But somehow, this year, it really does feel like a new start. Like I’ve emerged from a bubble, and I’m just starting to see the world properly again. I have suddenly got energy again. I want to do stuff like go running, and make things, and decorate the house. Move forward.
There are still firsts to get through. In a couple of weeks it’ll be mum’s birthday. Then it’ll be mothers day. Then there will be the first anniversary.
All of that will be hard, but I know I will get through it.